5 Words you should avoid saying, Solutions!, Online Exclusives, January 2004

online exclusives

5 WORDS YOU SHOULD AVOID SAYING

By Michael Mercer, Ph.D., The Mercer Group, Inc.

Caution! These five commonly-used words actually hinder communication. Drop them from your vocabulary and see the positive results.

It is unfortunate that many people with great potential end up failing, because they use five words that turn people off. Fortunately, if you avoid these five words like the plague, you will vastly improve your ability to work with people.

1. TRY. To say “try” is like saying someone is a “little pregnant.” Either you are or you are not. Either you really do something or you do not. There is no such action as “try.” Using the word “try” gives a person a way out of actually doing something. For example, if a person says to you, “I’ll try to finish the project by Friday,” you know the person is not truly committed to finishing by Friday.

It is interesting that, in research for my “How Winners Do It” book and seminars, I shadowed many underachievers and high-achievers to observe how they acted during their workdays. I discovered, among many things, that on average (a) underachievers use the word “try” eight times each day, whereas (b) high-achievers say “try” only one time a day. Doesn’t this 8:1 difference reveal a lot about how people become underachievers or high-achievers?

Suggestion: The next time you hear someone say they will “try,” look that person in the eyes and say, “I would prefer if you really did it, rather than only ‘try’ to do it.”

2. HOPE. I am a member of the Board of Directors of a company that has been publicly traded. At one Board meeting, an executive addressed the Board about his division’s activities. At one point the executive said the word “hope”—that is, “I hope….”

Faster-than-a-speeding-bullet, the CEO shouted, “Hope is not a strategy!” He was so right. “Hope” does not produce any results. Only action produces results.

Suggestion: Delete “hope” from your vocabulary. Or at least avoid saying “hope” to anyone who is important in your life. Oops – that includes a lot of people.

3 & 4. BUT and HOWEVER. When you comment on a person’s ideas or work and insert the words “but” or “however,” in effect you are telling that person you suspect they had outpatient brain surgery—and the scalpel slipped! You are insulting their brainpower.

Here’s an example. Someone tells you an idea. You respond by saying, “Your idea is good, but ….” That word “but” usually is followed by telling the person how s/he was not smart enough to realize something. That is insulting. All the person will remember of your conversation is the “but” that slapped their face—and that spells trouble for your relationship.

For instance, I remember holding a magnificent conversation with another businessperson. The person proposed an idea that would harm their company! I forgot to think before I spoke. I said, “I understand what you’re getting at, but ….” As soon as I said “but,” the good feelings between us went down the drain. Without meaning to, I insulted the person’s idea and their wisdom.

Suggestion: Use the word “and” rather than “but” or “however.” For example, I should have said, “I understand what you’re getting at, and ….” Using “and” instead of “but” would have continued the great rapport in our conversation.

5. WHY? Asking a question starting with “why” is like using the word “but”: It implies that you wonder if the other person was not smart enough to think of something better. The word “why” questions a person’s intelligence. For example, the question “why did you handle the project that way?” implies that the person may not have done the project in the brightest way possible.

Suggestion: Use “How is it that you did such-and-such?” rather than ask “Why.” The phrase “How is it that …” does not convey an attack.

A hopeful summary for you to try
I hope you will try to avoid using these five words. But, maybe you do not consider that important. After all, why would you care? However, if you want to work well with people and achieve more, maybe you will try—hopefully.

About the Author: Michael Mercer, Ph.D., is a testing expert, conference speaker, and founder of The Mercer Group, Inc. in Barrington, Illinois, USA. Dr. Mercer developed the widely used "Abilities & Behavior Forecaster™” Tests. He authored five books, including “Absolutely Fabulous Organizational Change™.” You can subscribe to Dr. Mercer’s free E-Newsletter at www.drmercer.com. You can contact him at (847) 382-0690.

© Copyright 2003 Michael Mercer, Ph.D.

Author: Mercer, M.
5 Words you should avoid saying, Solutions!, Online Exclusiv
5 Words you should avoid saying, Solutions!, Online Exclusives, January 2004
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